Like my stickfigure family? I decided to include Sarah and Champers because they are here quite often. My dad isn't using a cane, but it seemed like the best way to portray an elderly member, and he probably should be!
So... something has been on my mind lately. While writing my post about feeling homeless, I spent time thinking about how people who live with their parents are often portrayed as "losers". I know I am not here because I don't have other options, and it only comes up for me now due to my past baggage, but it also seems like the flipside has a bad reputation. Whether you are bringing a parent into your home or temporarily living with one to care for them, it is usually seen as an inconvenience - a cause for jokes at best or a horrible stressor at worst. But in many cultures, multigenerational living is the norm, and I believe there are many benefits from this situation. Grandparents can often be the perfect caregivers for littles while mom and dad are out hunting or gathering (and yes, this is still pretty much what we do if you think about it symbolically.) Many of them love to tell family stories or can pass on knowledge of "the old days". And elders have a unique sort of strength and wisdom which can be imparted, which often goes along with a certain "who gives a fuck?" attitude about what people think and deep sense of who they are.
Of course it isn't always this way in our culture. Some of our elders are full of bitterness or regret, possibly even abusive or toxic in other ways. Some of them are gravely ill and don't have much to give back, at least in the form of childcare. We don't live in tribes any more, and that is the problem. While it might not be practical to have everybody jump into a commune tomorrow, I think we all need more community support. I don't have any magic answers about how to make this happen, and I think it would look different for different people, but I think as a culture this is something we need to both seek and promote.
Sometimes the house is as full as my stick figures represent. Or sometimes there are other relatives or friends visiting. Those are the good times. I can run to the store as many times as I need to. Forgot the butter? No problem to run back out if the kids don't want to go. My back goes out so badly I can't walk? Somebody else can prepare food. (And yes, that did happen to me when I was the only competent adult here.) But more than half the time, it is just me with my two kids and my dad. And I am not going to lie - it is hard. It is hard to meet the needs of everybody, hard to keep up with the cleaning and laundry, hard to get all the shopping in when there are certain things we can only get at about 5 different stores, hard to prepare food for people with different tastes while considering food allergies, hard to make it to multiple doctor appointments and tests when you have kids that don't want to go, just hard, hard, hard when you don't have a tribe around you.
And yet... I look for the positives. I take joy in the times my dad runs around playing hide and go seek with the kids, even if he sometimes forgets he was looking for them if they hide too well! I cherish his old stories and work on recording them. I spend time scanning old photos, thankful I have this opportunity to do so. I go through cupboards and drawers, marveling at the old treasures I find. And most of all, I am filled with gratitude when I do have a fuller house and I send my wishes out to the universe that all people may find their tribe.
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