Keeping it Real

Feeling like I should check in to say I am pretty overwhelmed.  I guess that is normal after a big move, but I was hoping to use this blog as a way to process, and I just haven't had time. Or I am not choosing it as a priority.  That is always the real truth, but I can't bring myself to see this as more important than the other stuff. There is so much to do - unpacking, legal research, medical research, doctor appointments and somehow keep up with cooking, laundry, dishes, etc.  I want this blog to be about positive things, such as how I find my way to reframing things, how I grow and come to realizations and how I learn to relate my life philosophies to caring for my dad, but I don't want it to be all sunshine and rainbows either.  This shit is hard.  The kids are fighting with each other, they are often unkind to my dad, there are times everybody needs something at the same time and I rarely get a break because I am the only responsible adult here most of the time.  My husband is miserable, the kids miss their dad, and I am having a hard time not blaming myself for all of it.  So I am thinking I need a tag called Keeping it Real.  I don't want to be one of those bloggers who gives the impression I have it all figured out and only shares the positive stuff.

Still...  I am posting with a happy picture, because I need to remind myself things aren't shitty all the time.  It is easy to get in that frame of mind when you are overwhelmed.  My default state of mind has always been pretty happy, and I do believe it is possible to choose joy in any moment, even when it seems like everything sucks.  I hope I don't lose that along this road.  I am not trying to say choosing joy is easy.  It can be hard work.  And there are times it doesn't seem appropriate.  There are times when sadness or anger or some other "negative" emotion is the order of the moment, and I believe all emotions have a message for me.  But when I talk about choosing joy, it is in opposition to getting stuck in feelings or thoughts that are bringing misery and suffering, feeling trapped and like there is nothing good in my world or any way to change it. Those are the cycles I want to break by remembering all the good and beauty that exists.

I would like to make a goal of getting at least one post per week up, as a form of self care, because I find writing to be a good way to make progress with things I feel stuck about.  I don't know if it will be possible, but all I can do is keep taking things one day at a time, trying not to get bogged down in the enormity of it all.  And stepping back to take a breath and remember what I have to be grateful for in my life.